Harold Jaffe's nonfiction


by Harold Jaffe

Excrement is dead matter

Here I am, door bolted, doing what any hot-blooded, post-menopausal hetero male should be doing: trawling through XXX-rated sites on the Net.
    These sites are gratis — I'm not dumb enough to pay $$ to view virtual porn.
    We know the FBI, CIA, DEA, TSA, DHS . . . are monitoring paid subscribers to smut, even though most of the smut is owned (if you can trace the lineage) by sanitized corps like Disney, Walmart, Toys "R" Us, Starbucks, Google.
    With HIV, like the global economy, in recession, many gay males are back to doing anal "bareback."
    Why shouldn't they?
    The curiosity here is how / why anal has become mainstream, even predominant, in the hetero community.
    Check out this "Anal Acrobats" video I'm viewing right now (I'm old but I multitask) with yellow golf balls functioning as outsized anal beads.
    Three robotically gorgeous tattooed fems and a vaguely loutish male are manipulating three yellow golf balls from asshole to mouth to asshole to mouth . . .
    Of course the anal fems have had their enemas before the action, get them a clean track.
    But if there's some residual funk, no biggie, adds to the zest, right?
    We are 12 years into the Millennium.
    Beautiful people wannabes (who may be Tea-Partiers in real time) wax away their body hair.
    Climate change, as it's euphemistically titled, has fucked the globe over faster than anyone could have anticipated.
    Perpetrated by profit-mad industry.
    Aided / abetted by cynical world leaders.
    Which is more important: a polar bear cub dying in the Antarctic because of ice melt, or a hijacked vote?
    Devastating tsunamis out of season or a good wax-job?
    Shaved male heads are everywhere, a perverted monk universe.
    Check that: reclusive monks have long practiced their own perversions.
    Not Benedictines distilling an exotic liqueur with secret ingredients.
    Not Franciscans raising cattle to be slaughtered.
    The question I'm addressing obliquely is: Why is hetero anal in such a groove at this time in this place even as I'm stroking my mouse?
    Could it represent an unconscious, embodied acknowledgement of *death* which is officially suppressed in the US?
    Except in the instance of terrorists, homeless, and the institutionalized.
    Those are vermin, obviously.
    Murder them, piss on them, let them die.
    Transform factories into prisons, privatized.
    Surplus labor, cheapest you can find.
    Mainstream Americans will live forever.
    Or at least a thousand years, as the Austrian butcher with the comical mustache claimed for the Reich.
    Have you ever seen an American TV anchor with gray hair?
    The anal acrobats I'm viewing online are obviously high on coke, X, speed or some state of the art fusion.
    They are hairless and prosthetic: faux boobs, of course, rhinoplasties, surgically inserted cheekbones, bad tattoos, photo-shopped penises.
    How deep is your ass-gape?

    Not as deep as a grave, but t'will do.
    Can we fit impoverished Bangladesh into your ass-gape,150 million invisible souls, the country flooded with ice melt?
    What about the Sudan?
    In hetero porn the females do each other but not the males — that is the code.
    Occasionally two penises will carom one off the other as when there is DP or the female is mouthing two cocks at once, but though males are secretly turned on by those erotic collisions they are not supposed to be.
    Who established the hetero male code?
    A literary fool might say Hemingway.
    The Puritan church fathers established the hetero male code.
    In the 17th century AD the Puritans discovered a country that was already occupied leveling God's wrath and voracious land-grabbing on the native inhabitants.
    The Puritans' scions became our industrial and political chieftains in the name of Capital and their biblical God.
    We have three impressive longhairs: a blonde, brunette and redhead; waxed hairless over the rest of their bodies.
    The male's head is shaven, as I said, and his steroidal body is tattooed and hairless.
    He is chiseled, he is hung, he is a stunt dick electronically generated.
    In real time he is a couch potato with a receding hairline, minuscule penis, and affinity with numbers.
    Currently he is unemployed.
    His favorite porn fantasy is anal.
    Especially in the US, Internet porn scoots rapidly from fetish to fetish, as though the viewer will turn back to his smart phone if the same species of porn is repeated for more than a week.
    Peeing, squirting, teen, preggo, bestiality, gangbang, ebony, voyeur, gonzo, creampie, BDSM, BBW, hairy, butts, phat people, grannies, midgets, amputees, Asians, bisexual, trisexual, hentai. blowjobs, handjobs, footjobs, deepthroat, vintage, retro, upskirt, lingerie, trans, webcams . . . have each had their time in the electronic sun, but the perennial fave, the species with lasting power, is still the "money shot."
    Splat! Photoshopped cum shot from a big one right in yo' face . . .

    Turning back to death, I feel certain that "snuff" porn would outdo even the money shot, but viewing snuff, like viewing child porn, is a "black op."
    A felony if you're nabbed without connections.
    Were snuff porn readily available on the Net its sublimation into anal would not be a factor.
    Who needs shit when we have death?
    I am speculating.
    Even more then deviant Weimar, when the natural world was not palpably dying, our culture is pocked with noise, blandishments, spectacle, shameless contradictions, brazen lies, squalid apologies.
    We need extremity beyond extremity to dodge the collective torment we are forbidden to acknowledge.
    Tsunamis and massive nuclear spills, as in Japan, will get us grooving, but tragedy on that scale gets old fast.
    Wars and "rendition" camps, called "black sites," are cool, especially with both legislated and improvised torture, as in Abu Ghraib and Gitmo.
    NFL football with its crippling hits viewed and re-viewed in hi-def slo-mo provides some small relief.
    X-games and mixed martial arts are sleek when you're in the mood.
    Hyper-violent movies with CGI seem to work in part for kids with ADD and for stupid adults.
    None of these is enough.
    Death's smirk looms like a palimpsest behind the TV anchor's forced smile, cosmetic surgery, dyed yellow hair.
    Addressing climate change even at the 11th hour is inadmissible.
    Readmitting the noun "compassion" into the global lexicon is inadmissible.
    Unless it is yet another acronym: Cum-Passion.
    Collective suicide is officially beyond the pale, meaning that it is exclusively reserved for the colored poor ideally from "third world" countries.
    Hence our current addiction to hetero anal acrobatics online, as graphically (obliquely) inscribed above.

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